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Ode to Trader Joe’s (Silver Lake)

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the depth and breadth and height of your scrunchy parking lot,
stingy compact spaces filled with SUVs, the line of cars winding out of sight on poor Hyperion,
the double parked trucks – your own trucks, Trader Joe trailer trucks, dropping and blocking.
Delivering food 4 times a day, by sun and candlelight.Your party dips for our cold cash.
Money flows out of Silver Lake freely to you, in our quiet need to eat,
to find our passions..or do we simply seek the low-rent route in groceries?
Dishes we love disappear, never to be found, while others “aren’t in the warehouse now.”
(Never fall in love with a TJ item.) Pure foods, and your folksy ads, too much small talk from your clerks (while lines grow)
and we leave to find dings or dents on cars, and must strain to find a path, any path, to exit.
Who loves thee better after death, the man who died crossing to reach you
in your never-ending traffic jam, or Councilman Ferraro, turning in his grave at this monstrosity he wrought?
Two buck Chuck, is it so wrong that I took you off my automatic dial? Buh-bye.

[cartoon after the jump]

As the blog linked above says, there was (suspiciously?) little written about this accident. Looks like he was a cutie, too.

Notice the comments, that there are already traffic lights a few yards on either side of Trader Joe’s. Yes, we noticed. That didn’t stop cb, though! Make that THREE traffic lights in a row, in one block! Thanks, TJ, for even more delays there!

Published in West Magazine, LA Times.

13 Responses to “I hate Trader Joes (Silver Lake)- A poem.”

  1. Daniel says:

    Nice poem, I read your comment on WP blog, so I thought I would give you a comment. I do like the poem.
    Have a great one!

  2. Donna says:

    Hee, hee, WP comes through! Thanks, Daniel!

  3. David says:

    I just got back home from this Trader Joe’s only because it was an excuse to get in a four mile walk. And, once again, I was reminded why I stopped shopping there, coincidentally, three years ago. Your poem is still apropos to this day.

    My biggest beef with the place is their regular patrons. They’re rude, pushy and completely unaware of anyone else in the same aisle. It’s like being in Whole Foods at lunchtime. Bleh.

    I think I’ll go burn my TJ’s shopping bag now….

  4. Well, it is bigger now, but same parking/driving problems. In fact, I think it’s time for another post on them…

  5. Ronnie Sinigayan says:

    Trader Joes generously donates to homeless shelters.

  6. Not impressed. Take care of your neighbors first. Also, people who die a few feet away from you.

  7. Jojo LeSmith says:

    This used to me by my local Trader joes for years. The store and staff are great…it’s obviously the patrons that make it miserable.

  8. I agree. I hate people who run into the street to get killed – what a mess.

  9. Sandra says:

    Their food is some shit honestly. They make it seem like they’re all earthy and natural, but they’re not. I could count the amount of organic items they hand in the whole store on 2 hands.

  10. Sandra says:

    They had*

  11. dan says:

    Horrible eggs, zero trace ability, and too much plastic……

  12. marvin the food shrew says:

    Trader Joes is a joke…..you do not know who’s pocket your food dollars will end. Too much soy and corn! in their products. …support local and farmers markets. I like to know who made or grew the products I purchase.

  13. What does trace ability mean?